Everyday is a Battle

So, this morning was ultra, super, mega awful. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but let's just say that I cried. 

And may have gotten a ticket.

It seriously wasn't a good morning.

On top of PMSing and not hearing from Caleb for a few days, I was already having a hard time emotionally. This did not help things at all.

Think about this:

Everyone has to go through the normal hardships of daily life, but now I (and all the other wives in my unit) have to deal with them on top of going though the hardships of deployment. It really makes things that much worse.

Here's the thing, tho. I realized today that I don't have to look at these daily things as punishment or just being added to the suckiness that I'm already dealing with. This deployment makes everyday a challenge. I can either let each day defeat me, or I can defeat IT. I don't have to let everyday win. I can beat it. I don't have to let these daily challenges make me give up. 

Everyday is a battle, and I am not going to let today win.

Or the day after that.

I may get wounded every once in a while, but I won't let that stop me from fighting.

The End.

Finally Believing in Myself

The weirdest thing just happened to me. It started with deciding to make myself a cup of chocolate milk. (No, that's not the weird part. Chocolate milk is awesome.) When I went to reach for a cup, I saw my Army Wife mug. Showing here:

Isn't it beautiful??

Anyway, the point is, look at the words.

"Army Wife"

It really hit me that this is my title. That's who I am. This wave of pride came over me unexpectedly. I really felt it. I don't know how to describe it, but it was just this random epiphany that I am an Army wife. Not just any wife, an ARMY WIFE.

I've said it before: Army wives are a different breed. We go through a lot more than an average wife, and we do it with a special kind of strength and love only Army wives can understand. We are incredibly strong and even though none of us really knows how we do it, we do it anyway! Despite all the drama you may see on TV (or whatever drama happens in real life), we make significant bonds with other wives, friends, and our husbands that no one but our kind can. We kind of rock.

As most of you know, when I was younger, I NEVER wanted this. I just KNEW that I couldn't handle it. I was CERTAIN. Looking back, I wondered why that girl ever doubted herself. I didn't give my potential enough credit. I am getting stronger all the time. I don't mean to say that I enjoy having to do this, but when I saw that cup, it gave me this sense of accomplishment. I've got one of the hardest jobs in the world, and I'm not letting it ruin me or my marriage.

I'm so proud of my husband, and for once, I am really proud of myself.

 Now I'm realizing what I can do. So many people have told me to use this time to work on building myself as an individual. I never really understood what that meant, so (besides starting school) I haven't done anything that would incite that progress. In reality, this deployment has been doing it behind my back the whole time. haha

Anyway, I just wanted to share this moment of pride with you. I don't know how long it will last, but I've finally found it. I feel like that's the important part.