I'd say, "It's been a while", but that would be kind of a boring start.
Although, it is true.
So, now we're at 6 months down. These are turbulent times. But that's really how it is being the wife of a deployed soldier. Emotions all over the place. Maybe some aren't as "bipolar" as I am, but it kind of gets crazy. I know that normal wives have bad and good days, so this doesn't sound any different from a normal wife's life. However, when there's a certain level of anxiety in the back of your head at all times (again, above and beyond that of a normal wife's), it makes things a little different.
It's hard to describe without sounding like I want to be pitied, but the point of this blog is to help others get a glimpse into what it's like being an army wife with a deployed husband. Or at least the "Sairah version" of an army wife with a deployed husband.
So here it is.
Lately, the hardest part has been when I
am having a rough day and I know that the only person who can make me
feel better is him. I just need him to hold me... but
he's not here. That part is still a little difficult to get past. It was way worse at first- I would cry
every time I missed him. Now, I really only cry when I'm having a hard day and just wish he could be here to give me a huge hug and cuddle for a while. You'd never guess (nor believe it, because I never did) that it gets better, but it has. The bad days get less bad. Less frequent. I'm happy or at least neutral more of the time.
When we hit the half way mark, it really didn't feel as glorious as I anticipated. It didn't really feel like the landmark I thought it would be. Now, the New Year... That will REALLY feel like a landmark. I will really feel like we've made progress. Only a few more months to wait after that. I feel like knowing this has helped me have more good days recently. We still have a while, but at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel now. More motivation to just push through and get it done. It gets easier as the end gets closer.
Besides a few rough days where I've had to fight the Mood Swing Monster, I have been doing mostly well, actually. Not being in school is making time go twice as slow, so a small part of me can't wait to go back. Planning our trip has made me much cheerier as well. I'm thrilled the world didn't end, because that would have been a depressing waste of time for me.
The update on Caleb is that he has not been able to contact me as much
lately due to the fact that he's out doing what he deems "the fun
stuff" again. I think everyone can guess how I feel about that. But he's
happier than he was before when he was cooped up in the office.
Anyway, that's what's new. This is the countdown thing I've been doing. Just seeing the majority of the "pie" as green is very happy.
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190. That's quite a big number. Smaller than the number of days we have left, which is the most important part. Cheers.
