I've been thinking a lot lately about two things that both have to do with being married.
1. I recently turned 21. Now, I know that turning 21 doesn't appear to have anything to do with being married. But it does, and I'll tell you why. If you were to ask me to picture a married couple, I would picture something like this:
How old does that couple look to you? Probably close to 30, right? (I can say that because I don't actually know who this couple is, so I won't offend them.)
My point is this: I knew at 19 that I would be married soon. I was engaged and then married by the time I was 20. But ask me how old I feel?
Not 21. As I look at pictures of myself, I still look like I'm a teenager. I don't see a grown, adult woman. I see myself still as a senior in high school. And as I look at most of the other army wives around me, I don't see a lot that are my age. Most of them are older than me.
Don't get me wrong. I ADORE Caleb and I married him because it felt more right than butter side up. (Dr. Seuss, anyone?) But sometimes I get this complex. A complex that tells me it's weird that I'm so young and already married. Not that I feel that way personally, but more like I can feel that other couples (older couples) look at us and think that. Like they look at us and think that we're a couple teenagers who just got married because we thought it was a good idea at the time. But, that's not how it is.
I just wanted to get that out there.
With that being said, this next statement is sort of ironic.
2. I didn't think I wanted a baby until he got out of the army. Well, I still don't. But I keep getting this feeling like when he comes back we should start trying for one. Not immediately, but after he's had time to readjust and they move us to the other base in Germany because this one is closing down (yeah, I thought I was going to Italy after this base shut down, so the fact that I'm just going to another base in Germany is a real kick to the stomach.), then maybe after we get settled in, we could start working on it.
When I talked to Caleb about it, he didn't seem quite as excited. I don't know if he really understood how much time I was talking about waiting (and judging by his list of things we'd have to "do with a baby in tow", I don't think he understands how long it takes to make a baby either. haha). After a short discussion, we decided it would be beneficial to wait until he got home and settled in to make a decision.
Anyway, that's pretty much it for now. I know it's a lot, but this is my blog and I'll write a novel if I want to.
Have a lovely day. ♥
Ha you make me laugh :) I can't wait until you have a bunch of little Sairahs and Calebs running around so I can call your dad Gramps lol
ReplyDeleteI can't believe your married either, or living in Germany. All of the girls I knew in High School are all old and married :-P
ReplyDeleteIn anthropological terms it's called "pair bonding". It's the way nature has insured the survival of the species. It's the strongest drive in the human animal. It is strongest in humans between the ages of 13 and 25. That is when young women and men are at their peak performance and health to create and produce healthy human offspring.
ReplyDeleteWhat you are feeling is very normal? Your body is telling you that you are in perfect shape to produce offspring. That's also why nature gave you such strong emotions to give you the drive to "convience" your male counterpart, this is the perfect time to have that symbol of the two of you.
I felt exactly the same way when I was 19 and my husband was preparing to go to Viet Nam. Caleb's sister Rebecca was the result of my "pair bonding" drive. Don't fool yourself about how long it will take to "make" a baby. If you lucky it takes a little more than a "wham, bam, thank you mam."
Look how many teenage single mother's we have in this nation. Pair bonding is a very strong drive. Coupled with the need to idealise having someone who will always love you, it's almost imporssible to resist.
Society tells us to capture the ego part of us and wait until we are ready to support and nuture a child in the "proper" way. From experience, I can tell you there is no "best" time to have a child. At times, it will be the best and the worst thing that every happened to you.
Also from experience, I can tell you that having a family at 19 and then another one at 35 were two totally different experiences. I was a much better mother at 35 than when I was at 19. The boys benefited from me being more experienced and confident and more "tuned in" to their needs. At 19, after the "glow" of a newborn and all the excitedment of the first grandchild being born was over and two more babies that followed, those feeling begin to deminish and you begin to wonder who you are as a woman, not just a mother.
Remember, a lot of those feelings that you believe you have seriously thought out, are hormonally induced by the "pair bonding" drive. Your brain is not yet fully developed phsyologically. That doesn't occur until around 25 or 26 years of age. Would you make such a decisionabout producing a child if your brain was impaired by drugs or alcohol? Not having a fully developed brain and making such a decision is tantamount to the same thing, in my opinion.
That being said, I know how much your heart tells you having a baby is the fulfillment of your spirit and soul and it's really hard to resist. Be the best mother to your children you can be by educating yourself, preparing your nest, not only with love but with financial security and with wisdom that can only come with living as an adult and experiencing the world while you can.
That look the older people are giving you is probably not what you think. They are probably thinking, "If I only knew what I know now when I was her age, my life would have been so much different." You just don't know what you don't know and you have many, many years of life ahead of you to experience first. Enjoy them so you can tell your children and grandchildren the stories.
Think long and hard about it. Having a child is a life altering decision.
Blessings of Love and Light...............your ma-in-law