Apethetic, Irritable, and Everything In Between

It's amazing how my perception of life has changed since Caleb left. Things that would usually be a big, exciting deal just don't matter. Yet, things that shouldn't bug me end up severely irritating me. For example, the olympics. A lot of people were super crazy about watching them or following them. I, however, didn't really care. I have more important things on my mind. But when someone posts something on facebook or whatever, sometimes it'll really bug me. Then, since I won't ever say anything to them it'll fester. Maybe not for very long, but it will.

Just recently, someone I know posted something about a characteristic in other people that bothered them. Or rather, the actions that came from having this characteristic. Now, I happen to know that this person has this characteristic. In fact, they have done to me the EXACT thing that they were complaining about. 

Several times, actually. I'd be willing to submit that it's one of their habits, even.

Now, to me, this seems very hypocritical. (Which I'm pretty sure it is, but whatever.) But instead of just recognizing that it's hypocritical and moving on, it REALLY bothered me! Like, to the point that it has me in a very foul mood.

This  next part is going to make me sound like a jerk (cuz I know everyone has a right to be upset about this particular thing.) but it also really bugs me when people complain about missing their husbands or the fact that their husbands have to work late. All that runs thru my mind is, "At least he's going to come home to you before next year! I'll bet he'll even be home in the next 48 hours!" 

Like I said, I understand that it's frustrating to be separated (BELIEVE ME, I really do.) but that's just the point. When someone else complains about being separated from their husband for a short amount of time, it just kinda shoves it in my face that other people get to be depressed when their spouses have to be gone for a few extra hours and MY lot in life is to be depressed cuz I have to be separated for MONTHS. 

Hateful.

In any case, I know all you other military wives out there know what I mean. I know it's not right to compare my trial with another person's. But it's a little bit difficult when I'm in the position I'm in. I feel like I'm a different species now that I'm an army wife. We're a different breed. I feel like the base amount of suckiness in my life is higher than your average newly weds. (And yes, we still count as newly weds. And we will continue to be until we get to spend at least a year straight under the same roof.)

Yes, I know this is flawed logic. Yes, I know that I should care about more things, and that less things should irritate me. I guess until I learn how to deal with this stupid thing (the deployment, of course. Not emotions.) I will just have to continue to be irritated/apathetic all the time.