Finally Together Again

A year ago today (June 22nd), my husband left for an almost 10 month deployment in Afghanistan.

Read the post from that day here:
http://sairahaight.blogspot.de/2012/06/day-i-hoped-would-never-come.html

It was arguably one of the worst days of my life. The months that followed (as documented in my other blogs) definitely were like unto a roller coaster. This post will be the highlights, low-lights, and life lessons that came into my life because of this deployment.

At my lowest, I was MISERABLE. I felt like I was a terrible wife. I hated everyone and everything that had anything to do with Caleb having to leave me. I ESPECIALLY hated the army. I just wanted to curl into a ball and die- to give up on life and effort. During the times he couldn't talk to me, I was extra anxious and panic-y. I would think crazy thoughts about catching a plane to Afghanistan because I COULD NOT take the separation any longer. It didn't help that this was our second long-term separation. I was angry at God for putting me with the most wonderful man I had ever met, but then constantly taking him away from me.

Easily some of the most depressing days of my life happened in those 10 months.

At my highest, I was happy with what I chose to do with myself during the separation (massage school), having a good time with my friends and family, and soaking up all the good I could out of whatever I was doing. I had my family supporting me the whole time. While it was hard at times to have moved back in with my family, I loved the extra time I got to spend with them. I met great new friends, and spent quality time with old ones. I loved what I learned at school and loved the people I learned from and with. I am really glad I ended up choosing to do massage therapy school. The time seemed to drag on forever as it was, I can't imagine what it would have been like if I didn't have anything to do. Plus, not only did I occupy my time with something positive, I now have a career I can take with me wherever I go. Definitely one of the better decisions I've made.

Caleb and I still found ways to make our love grow, despite the fact that our marriage had to rely solely on technology. Having a virtual marriage really blows, but when it's the only option you have, you make it work. Distance doesn't HAVE to tear people apart- it only does that if you're not meant to work out anyway. I sent him packages and he sent me gifts. We Skyped on all the major holidays and whenever else he could. We exchanged emails and pictures, he'd leave comments on my Facebook wall or pictures reminding me how much he cared about me, missed me, and loved me. Those little messages meant the entire world to me. They kept me going and would make me smile, even when my day had been awful. He was a lot stronger than I was, but toward the middle he had just as much of a hard time as I did.

I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. I didn't know how I was going to make it. But what other choice did I have than to make it? Looking back, not only did I make it, I'd say that I came out better for it. Not that I am happy it had to happen, but I mean, I could have handled it a lot worse than I did. I mean, I didn't go crazy, I didn't cheat, and we didn't let the distance or stress ruin our marriage. I'd say that makes us pretty successful.

When he got back, I'm not going to lie, it was a little strange. See, out of the year and a half we've been married, only roughly 5 months of that has been spent together. So when he returned home, it was like I was reuniting with an old acquaintance. It didn't feel like I was married to this guy. It's hard to describe, but it was like having to get to know each other all over again. It kind of sucked, because I shouldn't have to feel that way about someone I'm married to.

The next month, however, was great. We took a real honeymoon and had basically the time of our lives. That awkward, "I feel like I don't know you" feeling we both had was gone within a few weeks. We just had to get used to being together again. We went from no time together at all, to not being apart for 24 hours a day, every day- that takes time to adjust to. But we didn't mind and were soon living it up in the beautiful Bahamas. It really did feel like we were newlyweds on our honeymoon.

We've been back in Germany about a month and a half now. Living, shopping, making plans and decisions, and spending time together. Things that get boring quickly for most people, I think. But if there is one thing that being apart has taught me, it is to not take ANYTHING for granted and cherish the little things more. I have a hard time doing things without him now. There is A LOT of time in our relationship that should have been spent together that we need to make up for. I guess there really isn't a way to make up for lost time (I can't exactly just add time to a day to make sure all the minutes we lost get added in again.) other than using the time we have now in a really great way. We are going out and doing fun things on the weekends and taking the time to really enjoy each other.

I love my husband more than ever and I am more happy than anything in the world that I get to be with him again. It's such a sweet feeling to be reunited again, knowing that I'm not going to have to give him up again for a good while. No more moving without me, no more deployment to dread, just he and I finally getting the time together we deserve. Now we can really start our life together, which is something I have been waiting for since July of 2011. It was really hard, but we rocked it. So distance can suck it- we won.

Sweetest victory EVER.