This is What Makes Me... Me

In light of the fact that this week has been a rather better week than previous weeks, I'm going to make a list of things I love and make me happy. I'll probably add to this in the future, but this is the list I came up with whilst just sitting here trying to think of everything. We all know my memory is kind of pathetic junk.

On that note, these aren't in order of importance, just in order of how they come to my mind.

☺ My husband

☺ My friends and family

☺ Mexican food

☺ Harry Potter (reading, watching, referencing, quoting, paraphernalia... anything.)

☺ Taking pictures.

☺ Juice

☺ Blankets which are of the EXTREMELY SOFT variety.

☺ Long necklaces (usually owls, because they're Caleb's minions.)
☺ Vintage anything (as expressed in an earlier post.)

☺ Buying things to decorate my house with

☺ Fedoras

☺ Fall Out Boy (and most music like unto theirs.)

☺ Wedding-related things (whether it's remembering my own, or looking over wedding stuff on the internet just for fun.)

☺ Having fun ALL THE TIME

☺ My iPhone

☺ Singing

☺ Psych

☺ Making other people happy, laugh, and/or feel cared for

☺ Speaking like a 3-yr-old

☺ Writing

☺ Musicals

☺ Observing people

☺ Not having a job

☺ Sleeping

☺ Cuddling with the love of my life

☺ CHRISTMAS

☺ Hearing that someone loves me

☺ Sweaters in the Fall

☺ Being happy

Sorry, I know it's a long list. But sometimes it does you good to remember what you're grateful for, what makes you smile, and simply what makes you who you are. What puts you in your element. It's a beautiful feeling to remember what makes you happy. 

I'm gonna challenge you guys to do this. Leave a comment here, write an entry in your own blog... whatever. Thanksgiving isn't the only time we can do this, people. 

Why not right now??

♥

Apethetic, Irritable, and Everything In Between

It's amazing how my perception of life has changed since Caleb left. Things that would usually be a big, exciting deal just don't matter. Yet, things that shouldn't bug me end up severely irritating me. For example, the olympics. A lot of people were super crazy about watching them or following them. I, however, didn't really care. I have more important things on my mind. But when someone posts something on facebook or whatever, sometimes it'll really bug me. Then, since I won't ever say anything to them it'll fester. Maybe not for very long, but it will.

Just recently, someone I know posted something about a characteristic in other people that bothered them. Or rather, the actions that came from having this characteristic. Now, I happen to know that this person has this characteristic. In fact, they have done to me the EXACT thing that they were complaining about. 

Several times, actually. I'd be willing to submit that it's one of their habits, even.

Now, to me, this seems very hypocritical. (Which I'm pretty sure it is, but whatever.) But instead of just recognizing that it's hypocritical and moving on, it REALLY bothered me! Like, to the point that it has me in a very foul mood.

This  next part is going to make me sound like a jerk (cuz I know everyone has a right to be upset about this particular thing.) but it also really bugs me when people complain about missing their husbands or the fact that their husbands have to work late. All that runs thru my mind is, "At least he's going to come home to you before next year! I'll bet he'll even be home in the next 48 hours!" 

Like I said, I understand that it's frustrating to be separated (BELIEVE ME, I really do.) but that's just the point. When someone else complains about being separated from their husband for a short amount of time, it just kinda shoves it in my face that other people get to be depressed when their spouses have to be gone for a few extra hours and MY lot in life is to be depressed cuz I have to be separated for MONTHS. 

Hateful.

In any case, I know all you other military wives out there know what I mean. I know it's not right to compare my trial with another person's. But it's a little bit difficult when I'm in the position I'm in. I feel like I'm a different species now that I'm an army wife. We're a different breed. I feel like the base amount of suckiness in my life is higher than your average newly weds. (And yes, we still count as newly weds. And we will continue to be until we get to spend at least a year straight under the same roof.)

Yes, I know this is flawed logic. Yes, I know that I should care about more things, and that less things should irritate me. I guess until I learn how to deal with this stupid thing (the deployment, of course. Not emotions.) I will just have to continue to be irritated/apathetic all the time.

Friends and Ranger School- Maybe...

So, life has been crazy for a little while. I got home and sort of adjusted. I've been in massage therapy school for two weeks now and it's pretty cool. I've made some friends, two in particular, who make it even better. I see Kayla and Steve almost every day, which is actually the best part of having started school. I mean, I know it's good that I'm in school, (and I'll admit that it's not as bad as I thought it would be.) but the fact that I've made friends that I can connect with so quickly and so well has really made it great.

The only downside to school so far is that I'm DREADING anatomy. I don't want to learn about the gross insides of the human body. If I had wanted to do that, I would be studying at a real collage to be a nurse or one of those people who dissect dead bodies.

Gross.

 Especially since Kayla has already taken anatomy twice, and I am usually the target of her distracting habits, I am almost scared that I'm going to fail. haha

My and Caleb's first anniversary came and went on the 27th of July. What I thought was going to be a miserable day of loneliness and missing my husband turned out to be great. My mom found a little SLC temple charm and gave it to me in the morning as a reminder of the happiness, rather than focusing on the emptiness. Caleb then called me and we had an amazing chat. I love that he was able to call, even though he hadn't been able to a lot that week. Goll, I love him. 

So. Freaking. Much.

(As a side note, I had this really awesome blanket made for him as an anniversary gift. I went on walmart.com and put a ton of pictures of us on it, and it was GIGANTIC. I wish I had taken a picture of it before I sent it to him. Just believe me when I say it was CRAZY AWESOME.)

Later that day, my dad took me to lunch at this little place close to his work. I loved that we got to spend that daddy-daughter time together like that. We don't get that as often as I'd like, so it was really special. Then he took me back to his work to introduce me to a girl my age he had just hired onto his team. Her name is Bethany and she is adorable. We spent the rest of the entire night chatting and laughing. She distracted me from what might have been a very difficult night. 

These little blessings mean more than I can describe to you, and there's a possibility that you won't understand unless you've been in my situation. Let it just stand to say that it is SO important and means the world to me.

I also got a calling as a Sunbeam teacher. Not much to say about that, other than that I get to hang out with a bunch of little kids every Sunday. Not the worst calling ever, but I've never taught before. According to their remarks today, I'm pretty sure that as long as I bring treats, this is going to be no sweat.

So here comes the interesting part, I suppose. I know the last two posts have been very negative, so I'm going to try and make this one not so much.

"Try" is the key word here.

I'd be lying if I said that it's gotten easier. Well, sort of. the fact that I'm with Kayla and Steve so much DEFINITELY helps. Not to mention that Caleb has made an effort to call me more, which has meant everything. But it doesn't change that he's gone of course, or that I still hate going to bed without him. So naturally, I still am running into super hard days. Not gonna lie, today was one of them. But thanks to the fact that I have such great friends and family, and the fact that Caleb is being such a great husband, the pain isn't as frequent. And that's the whole point of me coming home, really.

Altho, something we (Caleb and I) have been talking about recently has made me super unhappy. He wants to go to Ranger school after his deployment is over. That means he'd be gone for a little over two months longer than planned. Which means that the idea which has assisted me in keeping my sanity (you know, the one where I tell myself, "At least he won't be gone for a full year. It's just 9 months.") will no longer be valid. I will no longer have that to hold onto, and it's a little crushing. He says that if he's a ranger then he won't be deployed for as long (only 6 months, supposedly) and that they don't necessarily deploy more. I don't know how true that is. All I know is that it means he WILL be gone for a whole year, and this just deployment just got that much worse.

However, the one thing that gives me solace is the possibility of him only having to be deployed for 6 months. Obviously, if Sairah had her way, he wouldn't deploy at all, and we'd live happily ever after running some surf shop on a remote beach in Costa Rica. But I guess if I *HAVE* to deal with this evil, it might as well be for less time. (But let's be honest, Costa Rica is clearly the more awesome option.)

 So, friends. If you're stuck with me for almost 3 months longer than I've been telling you, blame Caleb. Another thought that just occurred to me is that this would mean 3 months less of living in Germany. I'm definitely not going to complain about that. This is sounding more and more appealing as I think about it. I'm tempted to officially give him my permission to do this. haha

Anyway, here's to you (yes, you) and the fantastic support I'm getting from everyone here at home. Thanks for putting up with me and being such wonderful friends. I love you guys.

Cheers. ♥